Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
