My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
