How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
