i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
