I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
