The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
