Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
