I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize