i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
