it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
