Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
