so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize