i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
