nut hugger
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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