Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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