She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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