He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
