I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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