Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
