he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
please come you make the beer taste better
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
