I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
