You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This baby is an asshole
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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