I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
