FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
