Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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