My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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