...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
