fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
