Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
