i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
