So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
