even my farts smell like vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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