my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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