the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize