She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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