D3 body, D1 cock
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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