i barfeds in our rink
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize