I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
