YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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