Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This baby is an asshole
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
