dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
