After last night, I could never be a politician.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
