The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
