I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm passing your future prison.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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