Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
