we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
