you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
