I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
