duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
