wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
