The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
