i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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