I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
