porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
