2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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