so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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