ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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