watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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