just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
