you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
