I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
