She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
