Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
please come you make the beer taste better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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