Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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