"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
