Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
