Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
