Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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