Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
