Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
