Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
