porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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