when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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