the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found your dick twin last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
