He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
