well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
