the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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