I swear she didn't look like that last week.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize