So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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