Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
