I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
