This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
