Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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