Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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