Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
