I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
