...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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