i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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