that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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