did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
