i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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