margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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