its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
