My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
