I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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