Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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