Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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