we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
