Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
