she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize