best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
